


I Am Not Broken

by Kovicenterprises



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Psychological Torture, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Victim Blaming, sorry theon i love you bb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-25 21:24:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7547746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kovicenterprises/pseuds/Kovicenterprises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“ Hello. It's nice to meet you, Theon. Care to take a seat?” </p><p><em>Theon.</em> It's still strange to hear, it used to make me go into a full blown anxiety attack. Now it's just a spark that shoots up through my chest, making it ache. He didn't reach out to shake my hand.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>Asha must have told him.</em></p><p> </p><p>I sat in the burgundy chair while holding my breath. All of my past therapists have told me to get through my <em>ticks</em> I need to face them. And anyhow I should be able to sit in a chair without shaking. I am not weak.</p><p>Chapter 2: I point to the center of my hand first. “ Here, all the way up to the tops of my middle finger and pointer finger is where he started. They were light nicks at first, then when he was feeling extra confident he pushed the blade in my skin until he hit bone. Have you ever felt something scrape along your bones Mr. Stark?” I question cocking my head to the side like a dog. I enjoy teasing him. He makes it too easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breakfast

MONDAY, JULY 15th, 2017 5:05pm

Today I started seeing a new therapist, at first, he more or less seemed like all the others. His office was rather bland. Grey walls, fake plants, an aura of sadness seemed to stick to the walls as if everyone who came before me came out worse than they came in. The burgundy chair seemed to be the only color in the room, it reminded me of blood. I guess you could say the color red is one of my _ticks_. I refuse to use the word ‘trigger’, it's a sad word, I am not a sad person.

The man's desk looked over a hundred years old, the legs looked as if they'd give out at any minute. As I was observing the desk the man walked in. He was… pretty, he had black thick rimmed glasses on, framing his small button nose. He smiled when he saw me brushing my fingers on his desk. The smile seemed to reach his eyes, not many peoples do these days.

His eyes were blue. A nice blue. I wouldn't describe them as a ‘sea blue’ or a ‘dark sky blue’, that's to easy of a way to describe them. To say that his eyes were blue was like saying that the sun was yellow. Sufficient but not accurate to capture the burning. 

His hair was a unique shade of brown and orange, how that's possible is beyond me. It was nice though. It seemed to curl perfectly around the edges. With every step he took, his hair bounced along with him.

I wondered, as I was leaning against the thousand-year-old desk, in a depressing therapists office, _How sad do I look to this man? How utterly broken and disgusting do I look?_

He didn't wince when he looked me in the eyes.

_Well, thats new._

He just continued to smile down at me. 

“ Hello. It's nice to meet you, Theon. Care to take a seat?” 

_Theon._ It's still strange to hear, it used to make me go into a full blown anxiety attack. Now it's just a spark that shoots up through my chest, making it ache. He didn't reach out to shake my hand.

_Asha must have told him._

I sat in the burgundy chair while holding my breath. All of my past therapists have told me to get through my _ticks_ I need to face them. And anyhow I should be able to sit in a chair without shaking. I am not weak. 

 

He then proceeds to tell me his name, Robb Stark, and he asks the typical new therapist questions like:

Do you know why you are here?

_Yes, my sister worries to much for her own good._

Yes.

How has your day been thus far?

_Well, I woke up in a pool of sweat because I can't go one night without thinking about **him**. And I drank a whole bottle of whiskey with the hope that I'd be able to sleep through the night or at least die before morning. _

Fine.

What did you have for breakfast?

_I physically can't eat breakfast anymore, because **he** always made me make **him** breakfast the morning after whatever torture **he** put through the night before. It was always the same too. Toast, 1 piece of toast toasted just enough to make it brown. Eggs, 2 eggs sunny side up. Bacon, 2 slices slightly undercooked. **He** would kiss me on the forehead when I'd bring it to **him** at exactly 7:06 in the morning, and **he** would say,_

_“ Your such an obedient little pet aren't you,” **he'd** smile, a smile filled with desire “ now come on why are you making me wait? You know I hate waiting. On your knees.” _

I don’t eat breakfast. It makes me I’ll.


	2. On Your Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I point to the center of my hand first. “ Here, all the way up to the tops of my middle finger and pointer finger is where he started. They were light nicks at first, then when he was feeling extra confident he pushed the blade in my skin until he hit bone. Have you ever felt something scrape along your bones Mr. Stark?” I question cocking my head to the side like a dog. I enjoy teasing him. He makes it too easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comments of the last chapter rly inspired me to write more thanks, guys!!!
> 
> Tigger warning: Rape 
> 
> This chapter is heavily focused around rape. Please stay safe guys!

MONDAY, JUNE 22nd, 2017 7:54pm

I am almost certain the reason that Asha picked Mr. Stark is because he is attractive. I doubt its because he's “One of the best Psychologists in Amsterdam.” Doesn't everyone claim to be the best at something? And I am pretty sure the last 4 therapists I've seen have claimed the same thing. 

I told Stark about him for the first time today. I only told him enough to get him interested though, I think the only reason I told him so much is because I like to watch his pretty face crunch all up. His lips form into a tight line, his legs stop jittering and he sits still for the first time in 45 minutes. The best part is how his eyes get all glossed over.

I don't like when people pity me. I don't like that people get to feel sorry for me. You're not allowed to be upset it didn't happen to you. 

~~~~~~~~~

“ Why do you wear those gloves Theon?” Robb asks tapping his pen on his notebook. He always does that. Tap, Tap, Tap. It's not quite annoying, I've grown used to it. If anything it's soothing. Something constant to keep me grounded. 

I don't think he writes anything of value in the notebook, I've barely seen him write anything in it at all. Maybe he just doodles in it and gets lost so he doesn't have to listen to people's ignorant ramblings, I am no exception.

_Like he hasn't figured it out yet._

I raise an eyebrow at the question, “ Would you like to see?”

He nods… hesitantly?

I make a show of removing my gloves, slow and obvious. I take the left one first that hand isn't all that bad. The right is where things start getting interesting. He sharply inhales when the right glove is finally off.

I point to the center of my hand first. “ Here, all the way up to the tops of my middle finger and pointer finger is where he started. They were light nicks at first, then when he was feeling extra confident he pushed the blade in my skin until he hit bone. Have you ever felt something scrape along your bones Mr. Stark?” I question cocking my head to the side like a dog. I enjoy teasing him. He makes it too easy.

I continue, I don't need an answer. “ It's not great in case you were wondering. Anyway, want to know what happened to the index finger? That one in a little less pg.” This time, I want an answer.

“ If you would be comfortable talking about it I would not stop you.” He says all professionally.

_I know he's curious, who wouldn't be. Everyone loves a good sob story._

“ Well, this story takes place a year or so before the last story. We had just got done taking a bath together, we were boyfriends it wasn't weird,”

_I wonder if he knew that. That we were boyfriends. That I was the one to walk up to him at the party, and I'm the one who asked for his number. I wonder if he knew that all of this, everything thats happened to me is my own fault. I wonder if everyone would still feel bad for me then._

“and he wanted me to give him head. I wasn't that into it, I'd had a long day and just wanted to rest not to mention I had a pounding headache, y’know all that cliche shit. I kept telling him I didn't feel good but he kept tugging at my shirt, raking his hands through my hair. Then he threatened me, ‘If you don't get on your keens and get me off right now I'll break every bone in your prissy body.’ He would threaten me a lot, but they were all empty threats. He had never hurt me before that. And I didn't think he would, I thought he loved me too much to hurt me. He always told me he hurt me because he loved me.”

Robb’s face breaks for a second at the last part. Like all of his defenses had been broken with eleven words. Or maybe it's the look on my face when I say it. I always look like a mess when I talk about him. It's funny how even when he’s six feet under and over a thousand miles away he still leaves me a mess even to this day. 

“ When I still pushed him away he grabbed my hand and pushed me against the nearest wall. That was the first time that night he made me whimper. He was whispering things into my ear about how ‘I owed him this’ and ‘ how I shouldn't act like a slut if I didn't want to be treated like one’. He pushed me on my knees, he already had his cock out, he told me to suck. And I fuck, I kept saying no. That I didn't want to. But he wouldn't stop he kept pushing my head until the tip hit my lips.”

_I know that I'm crying at this point but I pretend like I'm not. Stark looks like he wants to ask me to stop. Looks like he wants to scoop me into his arms and make it all okay._

“ When I wouldn't suck he took my hand started bending it backward, my idea finger snapped almost immediately. I screamed he took that as an opportunity to stick it all the way into my mouth. He kept pushing my head and pulling as hard as he could. I felt sick, I felt like I had air in my brain. Everything was getting to be too much and—“

Stark pulled me into his chest and held me tight. I don't like people touching me but I guess I was to far gone to care. I pulled him tighter and cried into his nice dress shirt. His body seemed to steady me. His heat engulfed me and made me feel content. Like I was okay, for a moment or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed! All comment and kudos are very much appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading all comments and kudos are very much appreciated!  
> Tumblr: prince-ramsay
> 
> Is this good should I continue?


End file.
